6.

We arrived in Panormos as in a festival procession with the curious thronging about us. We went directly to the harbor, to the Etruscan’s ship, and my heart sank when I saw it. It was round and slow and only partly covered with a deck, and I wondered how it had managed to make the long voyage from Rome to Sicily with its heavy cargo.

The customs men installed by Carthage greeted the Etruscan laughingly and politely raised their hands in amazement at the success of his trade. They treated Xenodotos with respect and were content to look from afar at Arsinoe and at my wooden mask without daring to finger our clothes. They said to one another that it was a good sign when highborn Siccanians ventured out of their forest into the civilized world to learn languages and sensible customs. It furthered trade and thus the interests of Carthage.

Panormos and the entire land of Eryx had good reason to be on conciliatory terms with the Etruscan from Rome, for during the previous years the administrators of Rome had bought vast quantities of grain from Eryx to avert a famine caused by the disorders.

The people of Eryx hoped that the trade in grain would be continued in the future. Panormos especially benefited by it since Rome shipped its grain not only on Etruscan vessels but on those of Panormos as well.

But the Etruscan, who as a merchant was never content, said bitterly, “If times were as they used to be and reasonable trade were possible, I could sell the Siccanian goods here in Panormos, buy grain at a low price and then sell it at a high price in Rome. But the Roman praetors have set a limit on the price of grain just as they have taken over the salt trade and determined its price in Rome. Formerly I could have sailed to Cumae and bartered the Siccanian goods for Attic vases whose beauty and graceful decorations we Etruscans admire so deeply that we even put them in the tombs of our rulers and Lucumones. But the Greeks have become arrogant after their victory at Marathon and the tyrant of Cumae confiscates the Roman grain ships arriving there.”

He cursed the Greeks and continued, “No, I dare not sail to Cumae. All I can do is to await a strong south wind and surrender myself to the dangers of the open sea in sailing back to the mouth of the Roman river.

Sack by sack, bundle by bundle and basket by basket he loaded his vessel. The customs men entered the cargo on their wax tablets and with a deep sigh the Etruscan paid for the donkeys he had hired and chased the drovers away with curses, saying that in no country had he met such thieves as in the land of Eryx. Of course this was a lie since the people of Eryx allowed him to trade freely with the Siccani while he himself had violated the laws of Eryx by smuggling iron goods to the Siccani.

I myself said hardly a word to the Carthaginians since I considered it wiser to let them believe that as a Siccanian I did not know their language. Even Arsinoe managed to control her tongue. But when we were within the walls of the house that the council of Panormos rented to strangers and in which the slaves and companions of Xenodotos greeted him with the utmost humility, Arsinoe could no longer restrain herself.

Tearing the cloth from her head, she stamped her foot and cried, “I have already risked enough for your sake at sea, Turms! Never will I consent to set foot on that Etruscan’s smelly tub. Even if I am not afraid for myself, I must think of Misme. In the name of the goddess, Turms, what are we doing going to Rome when your friend Xenodotos is ready to smooth the road to Susa for you and arrange a secure future for you in the King’s court as the Siccanian ambassador?”

Xenodotos was a changed man now that he was once more among his companions. He carried his curly-bearded chin proudly upright and watched me stealthily.

“Let us not quarrel as soon as we have stepped over the threshold,” he said placatingly. “Let us first bathe and have the rigors of the journey rubbed and anointed from our bodies. Let us eat seasoned food like civilized people and freshen our minds with wine. Only then let us confer with one another—you, Turms, who have not even revealed your name to me. Now I shall carefully remember it and I assure you that your wife is wiser than you. Do not scorn her intellect.”

I guessed that they had allied themselves for the purpose of making me accompany Xenodotos and Skythes back to lonia and from there to the Great King’s presence in Susa. I also suspected that Arsinoe had rashly told Xenodotos things that should have been left unsaid.

But I had learned, while among the Siccani, to control my face. I said nothing, merely followed Xenodotos calmly to the bath which his servants had prepared. Arsinoe followed us since she was unwilling to leave us by ourselves.

Thus the three of us bathed together and the warmth of the water and the fragrance of fine oils made us languid after the hardships of our journey. Xenodotos watched me rather than Arsinoe, although he courteously lauded her beauty, saying that he could not believe that she had ever had children and assuring her that not many women in the Persian king’s court could compete with her.

“Watching you,” he said ingratiatingly, “I regret that the gods have made me as I am. The more fortunate is Turms who is able to enjoy your unparalleled beauty. Indeed, looking at you both I find it difficult to believe that you are native Siccanians and true members of that dark-skinned and bowlegged people.”

Afraid of his curiosity I demanded bluntly, “How many Siccanians did you see during your journey, Xenodotos? Real Siccanians are straight and beautifully developed. Look at our slave Hanna. You saw only tribal outcasts who grow peas around their miserable huts.”

But Arsinoe said frankly, “But Hanna is not a Siccanian. She is an Elymian, born in Segesta. I admit, though, that there were some surprisingly strong men among the Siccani.”

She extended her white limbs in the warm water, called a servant and rose to have her hair washed.

At that moment her allure aroused only revulsion in me and I could not forgive her for having babbled about us to Xenodotos. My anger increased as we ate and drank. Both of us had been without wine for so long that we quickly became intoxicated. Then Xenodotos cleverly provoked a quarrel between us.

Finally I sprang up from the convivial couch and swore by the moon and the sea horse. “My omens and signs are more potent than your greed, Arsinoe. If you don’t want to accompany me I shall go alone.”

“Sleep your head clear before you swear such a pernicious oath,” warned Xenodotos.

But I was intoxicated by wine and bitterness and shouted recklessly, “You, Arsinoe, follow Xenodotos if you want to obtain more security than I can give you. He’ll be able to sell you to some noble Persian. But I suspect that, once behind the grating of a woman’s house, you will begin to yearn more for your freedom than for a life of luxury.”

Arsinoe flung her wine across the room. “You know what I have sacrificed for your sake, Turms. I have even risked my life for you. But I must think of my child. Year by year you have become increasingly stubborn and foul-mouthed and I wonder now what I ever saw in you. Xenodotos is waiting for a west wind to take him to Rhegion, where he will meet Skythes. The wind may turn tomorrow, and that is why you must decide which to choose. I myself have already decided in the name of the goddess.”

When she saw that I was not alarmed by her threat, she became even angrier and screamed, “Let us be separated from each other as of this moment, and don’t dare try to force your way into my bed! I have had enough of your sour face and so abhor your barbarically hard limbs that I could vomit.”

Xenodotos tried to stifle her words but she bit his finger, began to howl from the bottom of her heart and vomited the wine she had drunk. Whereupon she fell asleep, wet from the wine. I carried her to bed and bade Hanna take care of her for I myself was so embittered that I had no desire to sleep in the same room.

Upon my return to the banquet room Xenodotos sat beside me, placed his hand on my knee and said, “I know you for a Greek, Turms, from all Arsinoe has told me. But trust in me. If you are an Ionian refugee and fear the King’s wrath, I can assure you that the Persian does not desire revenge for the sake of revenge. The service that you are offering him will weigh more heavily in the scales than the possible mistakes in your past.”

I did not doubt his words, but how could I disregard the signs that I had received? I tried to explain the matter to him but he became stubborn in his zeal.

After coaxing me a while he warned, “Don’t aggravate me too much, Turms. If you are thinking of the temple at Sardis, don’t be afraid. Your wife was wise in entrusting your fears to me. I even know that you have been guilty of piracy. You are in my hands, Turms. I have only to call for the city guards and you are lost.”

At that moment I hated Arsinoe for wantonly having placed me at the mercy of a stranger so that I would be compelled to abandon my purpose and follow Xenodotos to the East. My long-dormant hatred burst forth like molten rock from a quaking mountain and scorched me until nothing mattered any more.

I thrust Xenodotos’ hand from my knee and said, “I thought you were my friend, but now I know better. Very well, I will call the police and surrender myself to be skinned alive as a pirate by the priests of Carthage. But at the same time let Arsinoe be sold in the market as an escaped temple slave and Misme as the daughter of a slave. I am sure that your reputation will be greatly enhanced in the eyes of the King by such a public disturbance in Panormos.”

I said further, “My omens are clear and indisputable, and the Ephesian Artemis and Aphrodite of Eryx vie with each other in bestowing their favors on me. By hurting me you hurt them, and I warn you of their power. I myself am fulfilling the fate within me which no human power can deflect. I will not follow you to Susa.”

When he realized that my decision was unalterable, Xenodotos tried to placate me and apologized for his threat. He urged me to reconsider the matter after I had slept my head clear. On the following day Arsinoe also suddenly changed and tried by every means at her disposal to weaken me. But I remained resolute and did not touch her. Whereupon she sent Hanna to the temple of the goddess to purchase beauty preparations, secluded herself in her room and then climbed to the roof to dry her hair in the sunshine. She had succeeded in dyeing her hair golden once more, and as she rested on the roof with her hair outspread she was a lovely sight to behold. However, her hair had a new reddish gleam for which she blamed Hanna, claiming that the stupid girl had accepted inferior dyes.

I thought she was senseless to restore her former appearance in Panormos where the curious stared at her from other housetops. But she risked the danger in order to make herself as attractive as possible and thus irresistible to me.

Xenodotos took me to the harbor to show me the trim ship that he had chartered at Rhegion after leaving Skythes there to confer with Anaxilaos. I asked him of Kydippe and learned that, since her marriage to Anaxilaos, she had had several children, drove a pair of mules and kept rabbits in her house. She was famous for her beauty throughout Sicily as well as the Greek cities of Italy, and her father ruled Himera.

Xenodotos’ comfortable ship did not tempt me. Instead, I went to the wooden-pillared Etruscan temple where the salt merchant was praying for a good south wind, and asked whether he would take me with him to the mouth of the Roman river. He was elated to get a man who might prove helpful at the oars and sails but as a merchant concealed his feel ings and declared that I must bring my own provisions and pay for the voyage.

The Etruscan’s prayers were effective to such a degree that a few days later the wind turned west and began to blow briskly. This suited Xenodotos’ plans perfectly and he said to me, “I shall wait until evening for you to recapture your senses, Turms. But at dusk I shall put to sea, for I have been told that that is the most favorable time to sail eastward from Panormos. I implore you to accompany me, for I have given my oath to take with me your wife Arsinoe, her daughter Misme and her servant Hanna.”

I hardened my heart, went to Arsinoe and said, “The moment of parting has arrived, but only because you wish it, not I. I thank you for the years that you have given me and will not remind you of the grief you have caused. I shall remember only the good that we have shared. In addition to the Siccanians’ gift I shall give you the gold coins given to me by Xenodotos and shall retain only enough money to pay for my voyage to Rome. But Hanna you cannot take with you. I know well that in your greediness you would sell her at the first opportune moment, and I want no harm to befall her.”

Arsinoe burst into tears and shouted, “Your heart is like stone! I am too proud to remind you of the sorrow that you have caused me, but it is only natural that you should give me your money. A few gold coins are small compensation indeed for all that I have lost because of you. Nor have you any right to Hanna. I am the one who has raised and taught her, and she even spoiled my hair.”

We argued about Hanna until I produced the golden goblet I had chosen from the Siccanian treasure and gave that also to Arsinoe. I concealed from her only the small golden hand which had more value as an amulet than as money.

Arsinoe weighed the goblet in her hand, glanced at me suspiciously and demanded, “What do you want with that girl and how does her fate concern you?”

Indignantly I exclaimed, “I shall marry her to some good man with her own permission. That much I feel that I owe her because she took care of both your children.”

“Of course I can buy a more skilled slave in Rhegion,” she retorted. “It will be a relief if you take that clumsy girl off my neck, for she has been looking at me malevolently for a long time. Even without her, though, you will have more than enough trouble. Remember my warning when calamity befalls you, Turms.”

Even in my anger I glowed and trembled at her nearness and I did not know how I could live without her. We had spent many days in Panormos during which she had not humbled herself and I had not touched her. She had hoped to bend me to her will by arousing my desire and was greatly disappointed when I did not attempt to put my arms around her even” at our moment of parting. Yet had I done so, I would once again have been in her power, so I controlled myself.

As the day began to close I took her from the city to the harbor, kissed Misme farewell and assured Xenodotos of my good wishes.

“For the sake of our friendship,” I requested, “if the weather compels you to stop at Himera, look up the highborn Etruscan merchant, Lars Alsir. Give him my regards and pay him whatever I owe, for it is difficult for me to leave a country in which I am indebted. He is a cultured man and can give you much valuable information about the Etruscans.”

Xenodotos promised to do so but Arsinoe reproached me bitterly. “Is this your only farewell to me? Are you really more concerned about your debt to a stranger than about your debt to me?”

Covering her head, she climbed up the ladder onto the ship and Xenodotos followed with Misme. Until the last moment I expected Arsinoe to be overcome by remorse and to jump off the ship, but the sailors pulled in the ladder, tied it to the railing and with the oars thrust the ship onto the water. As they left the shore they raised the sail, the sunset colored the ship red and I believed Arsinoe to have disappeared from my life forever. There on the shore of Panormos I dropped to my knees in grief and buried my face in my hands. Disappointment overwhelmed me and in my heart I cursed the gods who trifled with me. Nor did I feel relief in remembering Arsinoe’s greed and frivolity, for she had in truth forsaken all in Segesta to follow me. And I had until the last moment expected her to do so again.

Then I felt the shy touch of fingertips on my shoulder and heard Hanna’s warning voice, “The Phoenicians are looking at you.”

Remembering my hazardous position and my Siccanian appearance, I donned the antlered mask once more and tossed over my shoulder the colored woolen mantle which Xenodotos had given me on parting. Head proudly erect, I strode to the Etruscan’s ship and Hanna followed behind with a hide bundle of our few effects on her head.

Only the Etruscan’s limping helmsman was on guard. When I stepped aboard the ship he thanked the gods and said, “It’s good that you came, Siccanian. Keep an eye on the cargo and the ship so that I also can sacrifice and pray for wind.”

As the night darkened the sound of Phoenician musical instruments and the bawling of drunkards began to carry from the market place, so that I well understood why the helmsman had jumped for joy at being able to join in the sacrifice. When he had left, Hanna and I found a place for ourselves on the ship. In the protective darkness the hot tears finally burst from my eyes. I wept for my loss and the compulsion of my omens and could think of nothing but Arsinoe.

In the dark of the ship I felt Hanna creep beside me as I lay on the stinking bundles. She touched my face with her fingertips, wiped the tears from my eyes, kissed my cheeks, caressed my hair and in her distress began to weep also. She was only a young girl, but in my sorrow the mere presence of another person exuded compassion. Hanna’s sadness assuaged my own pangs, nor did I want her to weep because of me.

“Don’t weep, Hanna. My tears are but the tears of weakness and will cease of themselves. But I am a poor man and my future is uncertain. I don’t know whether I did the right thing in taking you with me. Perhaps it would have been better for you to have followed your mistress.”

Hanna rose to her knees in the darkness and declared, “I would rather have jumped into the sea! I am thankful that you are taking me with you wherever you go.” She reached for my face. “I shall be whatever you wish, and will gladly work for you. If you wish you may brand my forehead or loins with the sign of the slave.”

Her fervor touched me. Stroking her hair, I said, “You are not a slave, Hanna. I shall protect you as best I can until you find a man you can accept.”

She rejected the thought. “No, Turms. I don’t think I will find such a man. You keep me, please. I’ll try to be as useful as possible.” She added hesitantly, “Arsinoe, our mistress, explained that I could earn the most money by offering myself to some brothel in a big city. If you wish, I am ready to earn money for you even in that way, although I would not do so gladly.”

Her suggestion so horrified me that I put my arms around her. “Don’t even think of such a thing. I would never permit it, for you are an untouched and good girl. I want to protect you and certainly not lead you to destruction.”

She was highly pleased at having made me forget my sorrow momentarily and forced me to eat and to drink the wine that she had brought along. We sat dangling our feet over the side of the ship, looked at the reddish lights of the harbor and listened to the blare of the Phoenician instruments. Hanna’s nearness warmed me because I at least had someone with whom to talk.

I don’t know how it all happened, but the wine and the music and the trusting presence of a young girl must have been responsible. Nor have I any defense other than that in his deepest sorrow man is so shaken that in his receptivity to another’s presence he seeks oblivion in the roar of his own blood. Arsinoe had denied me herself, and the good food and idleness in the city had made my body sensitive to temptation. I cannot blame only Hanna but myself as well. For when we had gone to rest I was overwhelmed with desire at the touch of her smooth limbs. Without protest she surrendered to me and wound her arms around my neck. But even as I delighted in her I knew that her slender limbs were not Arsinoe’s limbs and that her body could never compete with Arsinoe.

When I drew away from her we lay silent in the darkness for a long time until I heard her stifled sobs.

I touched her bare shoulder and said with bitterness, “Little did I think that on the very first night you would have to weep because of me. You see now what kind of a man I am. I have hurt you and spoiled your chances for marriage. I can well understand why you are weeping.”

But Hanna pressed against me passionately, whispering, “I’m not weeping because of that. These are tears of joy that you should have cared to touch me. I’m not regretting the loss of my virtue, for I have been saving it for you. I have nothing else to give you.”

She kissed my hands and shoulders fervently. “You have made me so happy! I have been waiting for this moment ever since that moonlit night when you held me in your lap when I was but a child. Don’t heed my tears, for I am weeping only at my worthlessness. How could cheap copper satisfy one who is accustomed to embracing gold?”

“Don’t say that,” I protested. “You were most winsome in my arms, and I have never before embraced an untouched girl. But I did you a great wrong. My only consolation is the knowledge that I am sterile and that you need have no fear of the consequences. You probably knew that Hiuls was not my son nor Misme my daughter.”

Hanna said nothing. I guessed from that she had known, and I admired her understanding. She must have wanted to warn me many times, but in my blindness I would not have believed her. I could almost hear Arsinoe saying sarcastically, “Would you rather believe a jealous slave girl than me?”

I seemed actually to hear Arsinoe’s voice and to feel her nearness. To forget, I took Hanna in my arms once more and embraced her as violently as I would have Arsinoe. Once the damage was done there was no harm in repeating it.

Finally she cried out hoarsely, began to kiss my face with fervor and breathed, “Oh, Turms, I love you and have loved you from the first moment and I don’t think that anyone could love you so much, even though you don’t care much for me. But if you like me even a little, I’ll follow you wherever you go. Your city will be my city and I have no other gods but you.”

My conscience told me that I did wrong in warming my disappointment with a young girl’s life, but reason cold-bloodedly assured me that it would be better if I had a willing companion and it mattered little whether I loved her or not if she were content. It was useless for me to ponder or regret since everything happened as it happened and I was unable to prevent it.

At last she rose to wash herself and I did likewise. When I touched her I felt that her cheeks were still flushed and the veins in her neck throbbed. She aided me to sleep and wound herself around me. Faintly I heard the Etruscan and his men clamber onto the ship and argue about sleeping space. I seemed to feel the presence of my guardian spirit as Hanna’s slender girl’s body warmed me and I in turn warmed her with my own. In that shadowy state between sleeping and waking I felt as though the goddess whom I had known only as a capricious being wanted to indicate to me through Hanna an entirely new side of herself. With a sigh I sank into a deep sleep until bright daylight.

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