Nero was just planning a giant statue of himself which was to be erected in front of the link arcade. He showed me the drawings and drew attention to the sculptor in such a flattering way that he introduced the craftsman to me, as if we were of the same rank. I was not offended, for the main thing was that Nero should be in a good mood.
He willingly sent the craftsman away when I asked to speak to him alone, and then looked guilty, rubbing his chin and admitting that he too had some things to talk to me about. He had been putting them off for fear I should be annoyed.
I explained verbosely to him how I had long and faithfully sacrificed myself to the care of the menagerie in Rome and that I now felt that this task was beyond me, especially in view of the new menagerie which was being built in connection with the Golden Palace. I felt that I could not manage this task which demantled artistic taste, so I should be extremely grateful if he could release me from the office.
When Nero noticed the trend my long speech was taking, his face cleared and he burst out laughing in relief and slapped me on the back in the most friendly way as a sign of his favor.
“Don’t worry, Minutus,” he said. “I shall grant your request. All the better as I’ve been looking for some excuse to dismiss you from the office at the menagerie. Ever since the autumn, influential people have been attacking me about the excessively cruel show you arranged and demanding that you should be dismissed as a punishment for the poor taste you showed. I must admit that certain details in the show were rather unappetizing, although the fire-raisers certainly deserved their punishment. I’m glad that you yourself see that your position has become untenable. I had no idea you would abuse my confidence and arrange for your own stepbrother to be thrown to the wild animals because of some dispute over inheritance.”
I opened my mouth to deny this insane accusation, but Nero went on without stopping.
“Your father’s estate,” he said, “is so complicated and his affairs so obscure that I have not even received a return on my outlay yet. It is whispered that in complete agreement with your father, you have smuggled out most of his fortune to cheat the State and me. But I don’t believe this of you, for I know you and your father did not get on together. Otherwise I’d be forced to banish you from Rome. I strongly
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suspect your father’s sister, who had to commit suicide to avoid punishment. I hope you’ve nothing against my asking the magistrates to take a look at your own books. I would never do such a thing if I weren’t so short of money all the time because of certain people’s advice. They sit hugging the money bags and refuse to help the Emperor to acquire a decent place to live in. Believe it or not, not even Seneca took the trouble to send more than ten million sesterces, he who in his time pretended to want to give me everything he possessed, knowing perfecdy well that for political reasons I couldn’t accept it. Pallas sits on his money like a fat bitch. I’ve heard it said of you that a few months before the fire you sold all your apartment houses and sites in the parts of the city which were most affected by the fire and bought cheap land in Ostia which has since become unexpectedly valuable. Such foresight looks suspicious. If I did not know you, I might accuse you of taking part in the Christian conspiracy.”
He burst out laughing. I took the chance of remarking stiffly that of course my fortune was always at his disposal, but that I was not as wealthy as people made out. In that respect I could not be mentioned in the same breath as men like Seneca and Pallas. But Nero patted me on the shoulder.
“Don’t be angry at my little joke, Minutus,” he said. “It’s better for your own sake that you should know what is gossiped about you. An Emperor is in a difficult position. He has to listen to everyone and never knows whose intentions are sincere. But my own judgment tells me that you are more stupid than farsighted, so I cannot behave so badly as to confiscate your property just because of gossip and your father’s crimes. It will be punishment enough that I have dismissed you from office for incompetence. But I don’t know whom to appoint in your place. There are no applicants for such an office which has no political significance.”
I could have said one or two things on its significance, but instead I took the opportunity to suggest that the menagerie be turned over to Sabina and Epaphroditus. In that case I would not demand any compensation and the magistrates need not bother about my accounts. Such a measure would not appeal to me, as an honest man. But first it would be necessary to promote Epaphroditus to a knight.
“There is not a word in any of the laws about the color of a Roman knight’s skin,” I said. “The only condition is a certain wealth and annual income, though of course it depends on your favor whom you appoint. And to Nero nothing is impossible, I know that. But if you think you could consider my suggestion, let me summon Epaphroditus and Sabina. They can speak for themselves.”
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