“There’s a lot in what you say, noble Manilianus,” they said. “In the legion, too, it is the weakest and the slowest who are the pacemakers and who decide the battle. And one can’t leave a wounded or a surrounded comrade in the lurch, even if it means risking a whole maniple. Ambushes, of course, are another matter.”
They began to compare their scars and talk about their exploits in Britain, Germany, in the Danube countries and in Armenia, as a result of which they had been posted as Praetorians in the capital. My father took the opportunity to speak to his wife.
“Why did you say you were a Christian?” he said. “You don’t believe that Jesus of Nazareth is the Son of God and the savior of the world. It wasn’t necessary. You’ve not even been baptized. At holy communion you took part reluctantly just to do your duty as hostess, but you’ve never tasted the bread and wine that has been blessed in the name of Christ. It hurts me that I’ve dragged you into this without cause. I thought quite seriously that as a widow you could live the life you preferred. You’d soon find another and better husband, for you are still beautiful in my eyes and well preserved for your age, and wealthy as well. I thought there would certainly be a rush of suitors to your house when the mourning period was over. That thought didn’t even make me jealous, for your happiness is more important to me than mine. We never agreed on Christ and his kingdom.”
“I’ll be just as good a Christian as you are, my dear Marcus,” Tullia said crossly, “when I die with you for the glory of the name of Christ. I’ve given my property to the poor to please you when I could no longer bear your eternal sulks. Haven’t you noticed that I’ve not reproached you in the slightest, although you’ve disgraced our name in the Senate with your dreadful obstinacy? I’ve my own views on your foolish behavior, but at a time like this, I’ll hold my tongue so as not to hurt you yet again.”
She softened, and winding her arms about my father’s neck, she kissed him and wet his cheeks with her tears.
“I’m not afraid to die,” she told him, “as long as I can die with you, Marcus. I can’t endure the thought of being a widow after you. You’re the only man I’ve ever really loved, although I had to divorce two and follow one to the grave before I found you again. You abandoned me cruelly once, without the slightest thought for my feelings. I went all the way to
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Egypt after you. I know I had other reasons for going as well, but you yourself had a Jewish girl with you in Galilee and then that horrible Myrina, of whose good reputation I have yet to be convinced even if you erect a hundred statues of her in all the market squares in Asia. But then I’ve had my weaknesses too. The main thing is that you love me and tell me I’m beautiful, although my hair is dyed and my chin slack and my mouth full of ivory teeth.”
As they talked together, the Christian youth with the narrow band on his tunic, encouraged by the wine, asked the centurion whether he had orders to capture other Christians that he met. The centurion denied this emphatically and said that he had only been ordered to execute my father and Tullia, and in the greatest possible secrecy.
Then the young knight said that he was a Christian and he suggested to my father that they should eat the holy Christian meal together and strengthen my father’s spirit, although they could not do so behind locked doors and it was not yet evening. But perhaps it could be managed, he said, considering the circumstances.
The centurion said that he had no objections and he did not fear witchcraft; indeed he was curious, for so much was being said about the Christians”. My father agreed willingly, but asked the youth to bless the bread and wine.
“I can’t do it myself,” he said, “perhaps because of my own vanity and stubbornness, but the spirit came to the disciples of Jesus of Nazareth at that time in Jerusalem and they baptized great numbers of peoples so that they all received the same spirit. I wished with all my heart to be baptized with the others, but they refused me because I was not circumcised, and they also asked me to keep silent about things I didn’t understand. I’ve remembered their commands all my life and I’ve never instructed anyone, except occasionally to tell of things, perhaps mistakenly, I myself have seen, or things I know are true, or to correct certain misunderstandings. I was baptized here in Rome, when Cephas in his goodness asked me to forgive his curtness that time. He has always stood in debt to me because once on the mountain in Galilee, I lent him my donkey so that he could send his mother-in-law home to Capernaum when she had hurt her foot and I was on my way to Jerusalem. Forgive my garrulousness. I see the soldiers are looking up at the sky. Babbling on about the past is an old man’s weakness. I think wine loosens my tongue much too much.”
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