I have told you of Nero’s death so that you will be prepared if anything unexpected happens. Nero was only thirty-two when he chose to feign death in preference to civil war in order to expiate his crimes and begin a new life. Where, no one knows. As I write this he would be almost forty-three.

My suspicions were aroused when I noticed that it had all happened on the day of Agrippina’s murder and that Nero rode out of the city with his head covered and in bare feet, dedicated to the gods. Sporus’ secretive disappearance is, I think, further proof. Nero could not live without him, for he was the image of Poppaea in appearance, as I have said. Many discerning members of the Senate hold the same opinions as I on Nero’s death, although naturally we never voice them.

Galba showed forbearance when it came to Nero’s remains, for the sake of the people who genuinely and justifiably mourned his death. Galba wished to convince the world that Nero had really gone. So he ignored the fact that the Senate had branded him an enemy of the State. Mistrusting the Senate, Galba was thinking of limiting a senator’s period of office to two years, an absurd idea since our office has always been for life, although that does mean we tolerate among us ancients who sometimes waste time eagerly talking of the former golden age. It is a disease from which we all can suffer. So we patiently respect old age and long service, in contrast to the young, who do not appreciate such things until they themselves don their senator’s boots.

So it was not surprising that Galba’s head was soon carried around the forum. Since he was so bald, the soldier who was doing it had to put his thumbs in Galba’s mouth to get a grip on the head. When this soldier had received his reward from Otho, he gave the head to the other Praetorians who carried it around the camp, laughing and shouting.

Quite apart from his miserliness, for he had not even paid them a reasonable bonus on his accession to the throne, they were embittered that he, after falling in love with a giant German life guard, kept the man with him all one night, exhausting him in every way, and then in the morning did not even give him a couple of sesterces for a cup of wine, but simply said the man should be grateful to have enjoyed the friendship of such a youthful old man. This was one of the reasons for his downfall. The Praetorians had had enough of that kind of thing during Tigellinus’ time.

519

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I will return to Vespasian. It was a joy to see how surprised he was when the legionaries acclaimed him Emperor, how he protested and wrung his hands and several times jumped down from the shield on which they were carrying him around the walls of Jerusalem. A shield is uncomfortable to sit on anyhow, especially as the soldiers also swung him up into the air in their delight. They were as drunk as that because of the sesterces I had handed out. Of course I received some of my money back, thanks to my new Syrian freedman, since I had managed to secure the monopoly for wineselling in the camp. He also made a great deal of money by selling licenses to the Jewish vendors in the camp.

After sending their pay to the legions in Pannonia and Moesia together with a few mild reproaches to the cohorts in Gaul for their undisciplined plundering and outrages against peaceful inhabitants, Vespasian at once traveled to Egypt. He did not have to detach any of the troops under Titus for this purpose, for he could rely on the loyalty of the Egyptian garrison. Nevertheless he had to assure himself personally about Egypt, not because Egypt is Rome’s granary but because Egypt gives us sufficient paper for the administration of the world, not to mention the collecting of taxes.

Vespasian has developed the art of taxation to a degree previously unknown, so sometimes we wealthy men feel as if we were bleeding from both the nose and the ears as he squeezes us, not to mention the rectum, the latter being the cause of my being here in this resort. The physicians were so worried about my condition and the hemorrhages which weakened me that instead of giving me remedies they urged me to make my will.

When the physicians had given me up, the pains in my stomach made me turn to Jesus of Nazareth. Weakened people become humble on the threshold of death. But I promised him nothing. Against my many crimes and my hardness, my good deeds would not count for much on the day he sorts the sheep from the goats. So I thought it unnecessary to make any promises.

My physicians could not believe their eyes when the hemorrhages unexpectedly stopped of their own accord. They finally decided that my life had not been in danger at all, but that my illness had originated in my resentment at Vespasian’s refusing to agree to certain technical tax measures to enable me to keep my income and my property.

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