The Egyptian by Mika Waltari

Posted by admin_akashic on Mar 4th, 2022 in Stories

Kaptah stared at them with head trembling and eyes as big as snaffle rings. At the sight of his amazement and terror, they laughed more than ever and shouted, “This is indeed the King of the four quarters of the world, and we know his face.” They bowed low before him, and those who stood at his back kicked him in the seat to hurry him. But Kaptah said to me:

“Truly this city and the entire country is corrupted and mad and full of evil, and not even the scarab seems able to protect me. I cannot tell whether I stand on my head or my heels for it may be that I am sound asleep there upon my bed and in the grip of a dream, and all this is just a dream. Anyway, I must go with them, for they are sturdy men, but save your own life, my lord, if you may, and take down my body from the wall when they have hung me head downward, and embalm it for safety’s sake and do not let them throw me into the river. For even if I die in the hands of soldiers and to preserve Egypt’s honour, and for the sake of it entitled to enter the Western Land directly even if my body perishes, as certainty is always best, and to avoid any misunderstandings, preserve my body since you know how to do it.”

Listening to him, the soldiers howled with delight and fell on their knees, laughing, and hit each other on the back, when they feared they’d suffocate from laughter, and said, “By Marduk, we could have found no better King than this for it is a marvel that his tongue is not in knots with his talking.” Dawn was now breaking, and they smote Kaptah on the back with their spear shafts to hurry him and led him away. I dressed myself rapidly and followed them to the palace, where I found all the forecourts and outer rooms full of noisy crowds. I was now sure that a revolt had broken out in Babylon and that the gutter would run blood as soon as reinforcements arrived from the provinces.

But when I followed the soldiers into the great throne room, I saw Burnaburiash seated on his lion-footed golden throne beneath the canopy of sovereignty, robed in kingly raiment and with the symbols of power in his hands. Round about him, stood the chief priests of Marduk, the counsellors and the foremost men in the kingdom. But the soldiers never heeded them, and they thrust Kaptah forward, making way with their spears until they reached the throne, where they paused. There was suddenly silence, and no one spoke until Kaptah suddenly said, “Take away that devil’s creature, or I shall weary of this game and go away.”

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At this moment, sunlight broke through the tracery of the east window, and everyone — the priests and the distinguished men, the royal counsellors and the soldiers — began to shout, “He is right! Take away this creature, for we have had enough of being governed by a beardless boy. On the other hand, this man is wise, and therefore we make him King that he may rule over us.”

I could not believe my eyes when I saw them set upon the King, jostling and laughing with rude utterance, to snatch the symbols from his hands and the robe from his back so that he was soon as naked as I was on my bed when the soldiers surprised me. They pinched his arms and felt his thigh muscles and jeered at him and said, “It is plain to see that he is newly weaned and his mouth still wet with his mother’s milk. It is high time that the women in the women’s house had some enjoyment, and we think that this old rogue, Kaptah, the Egyptian, can also ride in the woman’s saddle.” Burnaburiash uttered no word of protest but laughed with them, and his lion was totally perplexed and slunk away with its tail between its legs, scared by the great crowd.

And then for all I knew, I might have been standing on my head, for from the King they rushed to Kaptah and clothed him in the royal robe and forced him to take the symbols of majesty into his hands. They pushed him onto the throne and prostrated themselves before him, wiping the floor with their mouths. First among them crawled Burnaburiash, stark naked, shouting, “This is just! He shall be our King, and a better one we could not have chosen.” Then they all sprang up and proclaimed Kaptah king, and they stamped and squirmed and held their sides in mirth.

Kaptah stared at them goggle eyed and his hair on end beneath the royal diadem, which they had hurriedly set awry on his head. At length, he got angry and yelled in loud voice so that everyone fell silent to listen to him, and said, “This certainly is a bad dream, caused by someone’s magic, for things like that happen. I have not the slightest desire to be your King, and I’d rather be the king of baboons and pigs. But if you really want me to be your King, I cannot help that, because there are so many of you against one. So I urge you to honestly say, if I am your King or not?”

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