When the moon went down, I dug a hole in the sand beside the doorway of Great Pharaoh’s tomb, and there I buried my parents wrapped in an oxide and covered it with sand. Far away in the desert jackals were howling so that I knew Anubis was afoot in the desert, watching over my father and mother and bearing them company upon their last journey. And I knew that their hearts would pass the test of the great scales before Osiris, though they lacked the death books of the priests and the lies learned by rote to which the wealthy pinned their faith. Great was the relief in my mind as I scooped the sand over them with my hands. I knew they would live from everlasting to everlasting beside the Great Pharaoh and humbly enjoy the good offerings set before him. In the Western Land, they would journey in Pharaoh’s boat and eat Pharaoh’s bread and drink Pharaoh’s wine. This I achieved by exposing my body to the spears of the watchmen in the forbidden valley, but this was no merit as I did not fear their spears, because that night death would have been sweeter to me than myrrh.
But as I was heaping the sand over them, my hand struck against something hard, and I found that I was holding a sacred scarab carved in red stone, with tiny jewels for eyes, and engraved all over with holy signs. Then I trembled, and my tears fell upon the sand, for it seemed to me that I had been given a sign from my parents telling me that they were contented and at peace. This I chose to believe, though I knew that the scarab must have fallen from among the furnishings of Pharaoh’s tomb and lost in the sand.
The moon had set, and the sky was growing deadly pale. I bowed down in the sand and raised my hand and said farewell to my father Senmut and my mother Kipa. May their bodies endure forever, and may their lives in the Western Land be full of all delight, since for their sake alone I could hope that such a land exists though I no longer believe it. Then I left without looking back any more. But I carried the sacred scarab in my hand; and its power was strong for the guards did not see me, even if I saw them coming out from their huts and lighting fires to prepare meals. The scarab was powerful indeed, for my foot did not slip on the rocks and the scorpions and snakes did not bite me, even if there
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was no oxide on my back any more. I regained the banks of the Nile that same evening and drank the Nile water and lay down and slept among the reeds. My feet were bloody and torn, and my hands were bleeding and without skin, and the desert had blinded me, and my body was scorched and blistered. But I lived, and my sleep vanquished the pain, for I was very tired.
6
In the morning, I awoke to the quacking of ducks among the reeds, and Amun sailed in his golden boat across the sky, and from the far shore there came to my ears the murmur of the city. Boats and ships glided along the river under clean sails, and washerwomen clapped their boards together and laughed and called out to each other as they worked. The morning was young and bright, but my heart was empty and life was like ashes in my hands.
The pain in my body brought happiness to me, since it gave me a reason to exist. Until then my only goal and task had been to provide eternal life to my parents which I had robbed from them and thus driven them to an untimely death. I had made what atonement I could, and now there seemed no further purpose or goal to my existence. I wore a ragged loincloth, like a slave, my back was burned and scabby, and I possessed not so much as the smallest copper coin with which to buy food. I knew that if I moved I should soon run into the guards, who would challenge me, shout at me and ask who I was and where did I come from, and I should be unable to answer them, for I believed that the name Sinuhe was accursed and dishonoured for all time. So I could not go to my friends, because I did not want them to share my shame; and I did not want them to raise their hands to reject me and to turn their backs on me, because that would have caused bitterness to them. I thought that I had done enough bad things already.
I was brooding upon this when I became aware of some live creature sneaking around near me, though at first sight I did not imagine him to he human but rather some spectre from an evil dream. There was a hole where his nose should have been, and his ears had been cut off, and he was horribly emaciated, but when I looked at him more closely, I saw that his hands were large and bony and his body tough and scarred as from carrying burdens or the chafing of ropes.
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