not prepared to receive it. Had I time to prepare, perhaps I would not have been that scared. But I thought of the swallows’ arrow-fast flight above the river, and I thought of the wine from the harbour, and I thought of the goose Muti roasted in the Theban manner, and suddenly life was unexpectedly sweet to me. Therefore I thought of Egypt and thought that Pharaoh Akhenaten had to die so that Egypt might live and so that Horemheb might defeat the Hittite attack by force. Yet Akhenaten was my friend, and this stranger of a prince unknown to me, and doubtless he had done such deeds in the course of the war as to merit a thousand deaths. Why should I hesitate to murder him to save Egypt once again, since I had already had Akhenaten drink death to save Egypt? I became exceedingly sleepy and said, yawning:
“Lay aside your knife, Horemheb, for the sight of a blunt knife makes me nervous. Be it as you say. I will save Egypt from the power of the Hittites, though how I will manage to do it, I really do not know yet — and in all probability, I shall lose my life in the doing of it, for the Hittites will certainly slay me if the prince dies. But I care little for my life, and I do not desire the Hittites to rule in Egypt, and I won’t do this for the sake of gifts or good promises, but I do this because this deed was written in the stars before the day of my birth and may not be evaded. Receive the crowns from my hand, Horemheb and Ay, receive your crowns and bless my name, for I, the insignificant physician Sinuhe, will make Pharaohs of you.”
I felt a great desire to laugh as I said this, thinking that probably the sacred blood ran in my own veins and that I was the only rightful heir to the throne of Pharaohs, while Ay was by origin no more than a minor priest of the sun and Horemheb’s parents smelled of cattle and cheese. I put my hand over my mouth and giggled aloud like a woman. I laughed to myself, thinking that had I had hardness, like Horemheb, or cold-blooded cunning, like Ay had, I might have been able to lead my life to the point where I stepped on the Pharaoh’s throne, proving my origins. During these times of upheaval, anything was possible, but power frightened me, and the bloody crowns of Pharaohs frightened me — and in my veins had the blood of sun mixed with the thin blood of Mitanni, the blood of sunset. So I just laughed with a hand over my mouth, and I could not control my laughter, for when I am in a shock I start laughing, and when I am frightened I become sleepy. I think here I differ from most people.
705
My laughter bothered Horemheb so that he started frowning and smiting his legs with a golden whip, but Ay was not bothered by my laughter since he was already an old and tired man and did not care about people’s laughter or tears, only about himself. At that moment, I saw them both for what they were without the colourful fantasy feathers: I saw them as robbers despoiling the dying body of Egypt, and I saw them as children who wanted to play with crowns and emblems of power — and their will and lust chained them so that they could never be happy. Therefore I suddenly fell silent, and my eyes looked into the future, and I said to Horemheb:
“My friend Horemheb, the crown is heavy. You will learn this some evening of a hot day when the cattle come down to the water’s edge to drink, and the voices about you fall silent.”
But Horemheb said, “Make haste now and go, for a ship awaits you, and you must meet Zannanza in the Sinai desert before he reaches Tanis with his entourage.”
Thus I once more departed from Thebes, suddenly and by night, and Horemheb gave me his fastest ship, and I had my medicine chest and the remains of the roast goose that Muti had served me for dinner, prepared in Theban style, taken on board. I had also some wine taken on board to keep me company during the journey because I did not much care about what was to happen to me.
2
On board the ship, I had time to think, and after I had been thinking long enough I hastened my travel as much as I could by encouraging the oarsmen with my stick and by promising them lavish gifts — for the more I thought about the matter, the better I understood the mortal danger that threatened Egypt, rising like a black cloud of sand from the desert. It would be easy to make myself appear in good light and say I did everything for the sake of Egypt, but the deeds of men are not that easily explained, and the wine of deeds is never pure but mixed. I write this for my own sake, and so I confess that I might not have accepted
706
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384