“My lord, it is only now that I realise what phenomenal and insatiable thirst I have developed during all our journeys. It feels like the dust of all countries and roads and cities still stings in my throat, and I have not been able to find the right kind of beer that would wipe it off. Therefore you should not reproach me but praise me, for so industrious and untiring is my search of every tavern to find the one beer to cure my ailment, because eventually this ailment might indeed become pricey to you, my lord. I do this only in your interest, and do not reproach me for my haste for the further we sail upstream, the more terrifying becomes the pain of my thirst so that sometimes thinking about it frightens me. But you have to keep in mind that by telling about your various wonderful cures in faraway countries whose names these fools have never heard of, I increase your reputation as we go. Also this is a way to become familiar with various Egyptian gods for I did not believe Egypt had so many gods. Every day I hear about one or two prominent Egyptian gods whose names I have never heard of before, although I do not reveal that to these fools. With all due respect to the scarab, it might not be harmful if we found a suitable god to worship so that we became pious and got a good reputation.”
“You know my opinion on gods,” I said to him, “and I do not believe that gods you find in coloured wine jars have much value. Moreover, I cannot remember there was anything wrong with your thirst when we were travelling in faraway countries. On the contrary, you have come up with new excuses to defend your thirst in each country so do not be too surprised if I sometimes get tired of your babbling.”
“Oh, my lord,” said Kaptah and became sad. “You have a wonderful and unbelievable skill to give so many false testimonies using only a few words, that I should spend a whole day refuting them. To begin with, about your opinion on gods, I do not want to have anything to do with that, but I only try by myself to arrange divine affairs in your best interest so that you would not be labelled as a heretic which would harm practising your profession. About gods themselves, I do not want to argue with you about the value of those I find in beer jars or rather around them, but you have to admit there are some interesting gods among them, and knowing them better is not harmful. For example, yesterday I found a god that safeguards a woman from
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pregnancy when she, for whatever reasons — which I do not need to start listing — does not want to get pregnant. This is a truly strange thing for usually gods compete about just the opposite, and priests boast how their gods help woman have children. Therefore I did not want to believe this kind of god exists, but the woman who told me about him was so certain about her cause that after she became irritated about my objections, she showed me a talisman about her neck and urged me to try myself if it helps or not. She took me to her shelter, and I did my best to find out the truth, but I could not get any certainty since our ship continued its journey already in the afternoon, and I could not wait if she became pregnant or not. All I know is she took all the copper I had with me.”
“Kaptah,” I warned, “Kaptah, I have already said I do not want to hear such foolishness.” But he continued, “So much about gods, and I do not regret at all losing my copper since the woman was simple and friendly, and her shape was not bad. But about my thirst that you so resent, my lord, you should be deeply grateful for my thirst since without it you would be a poor man, and maybe ravens would be gnawing on your skull by the road. Keep in mind how my thirst has unerringly guided me to the company of people who have told me countless useful things, like the god in sea captain’s cabin who guides the ship in the sea unerringly to harbour. Therefore you should not slander my thirst, and if you were of more pious nature, you might see something divine in my thirst.”
I turned my back on Kaptah and left him for it was useless to argue with him. The ship sailed through a deserted section of the river, and old crocodiles were lying on the sand banks without moving in the heat of the day, and small birds jumped hardily in their open mouths picking leftovers from their teeth. That night, I heard through my sleep a hippopotamus bellow amongst the reeds, and in the morning countless pink birds filled the air around the ship. I was again in Egypt, in my home country, but after I had become accustomed to this thought, with the Nile in its immense might flowing past me day after day, I felt again that I was alone and a stranger in the world, and my heart was seized by strange paralysis and feeling of futility, so that I went under the deck and lied there on my mat without willing to look around any more or to
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