so very old and almost innocent as well — though your eyes may not believe it. As for this drink, it is all the dowry my father has provided, for which reason this slave of yours Kaptah has diligently courted me, hoping to obtain the secret with me for free. But he is one-eyed and old and fat, and I do not fancy that a mature woman could take much pleasure in him. And so instead he had to buy the tavern, and he hopes also to buy the formula, though truly much gold will have to be weighed out before we can agree on that.”
Kaptah was pulling desperate faces to silence her, but I tasted the drink again and as its fire coursed through my body, and I said, “In truth, I believe that Kaptah would be willing to break a jar with you for the sake of this drink although he knows that after the wedding you would soon begin to throw hot water all over his feet. Even without your skill, I can well understand him when I look into your eyes, though you must remember that just now the crocodile’s tail speaks in me, and tomorrow my tongue may not answer for my words. Is it true, then, that Kaptah owns this wine shop?”
“Begone, you insolent cow!” cried Kaptah, adding a string of gods’ names he had learned in Syria. “My lord,” he said in a pleading tone turning to me. “The matter came out too suddenly. I intended to prepare you for this gently and request for your approval, being still your servant. But it is true that I have already bought this house of the landlord and also intend to persuade his daughter to reveal the secret of the drink for it has made this place famous up and down the river wherever cheerful men assemble, and I have remembered it daily when I have been far away from here. As you know, I have done my best to rob you skilfully all these years, and therefore I have been at some pains to invest my own silver and gold, for I must think of my old age when I am too weary to run on your numerous errands and when I need to warm my bones next to a bowl of coal.”
He looked at me offended since I started to laugh thinking how he would look like trying to run since he preferred a chair when I rather walked. I also thought the thick layer of fat would make it hard for a bowl of coal to warm his bones, but then I remembered, it must have been the crocodile’s tail that made me think these things. I stopped laughing and offered a serious apology to Kaptah and urged him to continue.
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“Already when I was a young slave, the innkeeper’s trade was to me the most enviable and alluring,” told Kaptah, for the crocodile’s tail had made him sentimental. “In those days, it is true, I fancied an innkeeper could drink as much beer as he liked for nothing and no one would reproach him. Now I know well that he must be moderate in this and must never be drunk, and this will be very healthy for me since too much beer sometimes affects me strangely so that I seem to see hippopotamuses and other hideous objects. An innkeeper is forever meeting people who may be useful to him and hears and knows all that is going on, and this greatly tempts me since from my youth up I have been exceedingly inquisitive. My tongue will be of great service to me as an innkeeper, and I believe that with my stories I shall so entertain my guests that they will unwittingly empty cup after cup and marvel when the hour of payment arrives. After ripe reflection, it seems as if the gods intended for me to be an innkeeper, though by some error I was born a slave. Yet even this is now an advantage, for truly there is no trick or lie or prank by which a customer may seek to slip away without paying that I do not know or have not tried myself in my time. Even if I say it, I think I know how a man is and I know, and my heart tells me, who I may let drink on tick and who I may not — and this is the most important thing for an innkeeper, for so strange is the human nature that a man eagerly drinks on tick without thinking when he needs to pay but carefully counts his silver if he needs to pay for his drinking right away.”
Kaptah emptied his bowl, rested his head on his hands smiling wistfully and said, “Furthermore, the business of an innkeeper is the safest and soundest of all, for whatever may come to pass, man’s thirst remains, and though Pharaoh’s power be shaken or the gods fall from their thrones, yet taverns and wine shops won’t get any emptier than before. Man drinks wine in his gladness, and he drinks wine in his grief, and when he prospers he drinks, and in wine he drowns his failures. He drinks wine when he is in love, and he drinks wine when his wife hits him. He resorts to wine when his business fails, and he douses his victories with wine. And not even poverty prevents him from drinking wine for even more he works to paint his poverty with wine. What
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