He began to ponder at this, and his eyes narrowed, and glancing at his chiefs, he said to me, smiling slyly like a mischievous boy, “Wouldn’t you mix me a good potion, Sinuhe. Without doubt you are more familiar with these strange desert diseases than my own physician.”
But I was not as dumb as he thought I was but raised my hands in protest palms outward and said, “I won’t do any such thing. I dare not prepare any remedies for you since, were you to become worse, you would blame me and say that I wished you ill as an Egyptian. Your own physician will tend you as well as I — and better, for he is familiar with your constitution and your former disorders, and he need do no more than give you a simple binding medicine.”
He smiled to me and said, “Perhaps your counsel is good for I mean to eat and drink with you that you may tell me of my royal consort and of Egyptian customs, and I do not desire to be forever running out and squatting behind the tent during your stories.”
Thus he summoned his own physician, who was an irritable and suspicious Hittite, and we took counsel together as doctors. When he found that I had no desire to compete with him, he conceived a liking for me and did as I advised and prepared a binding medicine to the prince and, following my advice, making it fairly strong. I had my own reason for giving him such advice. But when he had mixed the medicine, he drank from the cup himself and handed it then to the prince, showing to him that it was harmless. From the way he mixed the medication and of the ingredients he put there, I noticed that he was a skilful physician, but my talk confused him, and I think he believed me to be more skilful than himself and therefore he followed my advice to the betterment of his patient.
But I knew that the prince was not sick and would have healed without medication. I desired however his entourage to believe that he was sick, and I desired to bind his stomach, that the drug I planned to administer might not pass through him too early. Before the meal he had ordered to be prepared in my honour, I went to my tent and drank my stomach full of cooking oil, however hard that was to do, but despite the nausea it caused me, I filled my stomach with it to preserve my life. I then took a small jar of wine with which I had mixed the poison and then resealed, and the jar was so small that it held enough for two cups only. Thus I returned to the prince’s tent and sat on his mat and ate the dishes his slaves set before me
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and drank the wine his cupbearers poured into cups — and though I constantly felt severe nausea, I told various amusing stories about Egyptian customs to divert the prince and his officers. Prince Zannanza indeed laughed with his teeth flashing, and he slapped me on the back with his hand and said:
“You are an entertaining fellow, Sinuhe, Egyptian though you be, and when I have settled in Egypt, I will make you my physician, and I will make you a royal physician. Truly, I choke with laughter and forget my stomach troubles when you tell of Egyptian marriage practices, but these practices are limp practices although they may bring a lot of joy — and I fancy the Egyptians have invented them to avoid getting children. Therefore I mean to teach Egypt many Hittite practices, and I will make my officers governors of Egyptian provinces; and I think it will be most beneficial to Egypt, as soon as I have given the princess her due.”
He smote his knees and got drunk from wine, laughing and saying, “In truth, I wish the princess would already lay on my mat, for your tales have greatly inflamed me, Sinuhe, and I know I shall cause her to groan in her ecstasy as soon as I have time for that. By the holy heavens and the great Earth Mother, I will cause all of Egypt to groan in ecstasy, since when the land of Hatti and Egypt are united, no kingdom on earth will be able to withstand our power, and we shall gather under our sway the four corners of the world so that our power extends from land to land and sea to sea. But first, Egypt must get iron in its limbs and fire in its heart, until every man there believes that death is better than life. Let all this come to pass and let it come to pass soon.”
He raised his goblet and drank wine, and after he had drank, he poured a sacrifice from his cup to the Earth Mother and sprinkled wine to air to make sacrifice also to the heavens so that his cup became empty. By now, all Hittites were somewhat intoxicated, and my merry tales had melted their misgivings. So I profited by the occasion and said:
“I would not insult you and your wine, Zannanza, but it is plain that you have never tasted the wine of Egypt, for had you tasted it, all other wine would seem to you as insipid as water and you would no longer care about other wines. Forgive me, therefore, if I drink of my own wine, for that alone can make me drunk. That is the reason I always take my own wine with me to the banquets of strangers.”
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