The Egyptian by Mika Waltari

Posted by admin_akashic on Mar 4th, 2022 in Stories

want to complain, for these last talks remind me that as King I am lord also of the women’s house, where so far as I know some four hundred wives await me. I must therefore inspect these possessions of mine, and it would not surprise me if I broke some jars on the way, for power and wine have strangely fired me, and I feel as strong as a lion.”

When the people heard this, they raised a tremendous shout, which seemed as if it would never end, and they followed him back to the palace, where in the courtyard before the door of the women’s house they took up their stand. But Burnaburiash was no longer laughing but rubbed his hands nervously and scratched his leg with the other foot. When he saw me, he came up and said rapidly, “Sinuhe, you are my friend, and as a physician you may enter the house of the King’s women. Follow him and see that he does nothing he may be sorry for later. I shall have him flayed alive and set his head to dry upon the wall if he touches my women, but if he behaves well, I promise him an easy death.”

I asked him, “Burnaburiash, I am indeed your friend and wish you well, but tell me what all this means, for my liver is heavy to see you in the place of a servant and mocked by all.”

He said me impatiently, “Today is the Day of the False King as everyone knows, but hasten now to follow him, lest evil befall.” I made no move to obey, though he seized me by the arm, but said only, “I do not know the customs of your country so you must explain to me what all this signifies.” Then he explained, “Each year on the Day of the False King, the stupidest and craziest man in Babylon is chosen King to rule from dawn to sunset in all the King’s power, and the King himself has to serve him. And never have I seen a more comical King than Kaptah, whom I myself chose for that reason. He does not know what is to happen to him, and that is drollest of all.”

“What will happen to him?” I asked.

“At sunset, he will be slain as suddenly as he was crowned,” explained Burnaburiash. “I can have him killed cruelly if I choose, but mostly they are given a gentle poison in their wine, and they fall asleep without knowing they are to die, for it is not appropriate that a man who has been a King for a day survives. Once a long time ago, the real King died during the Day of the False King after drinking hot soup the wrong way, drunk as he was, and the false King remained on the throne and ruled Babylon for thirty-six years, and there was nothing to complain about his rule. So I must be careful today that I do not accidentally drink hot soup the wrong way. Hasten now and see to it that your servant commits no folly of which he may repent before sundown.”

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But there was no need to fetch Kaptah, who now came tumbling from the house in a great rage, with blood streaming from his nose and with his hand over his one eye. He said amid howls and yells, “See what they have done to me, for they offered me old hags and fat black women, but when I would have tasted a tender kid, it turned into a tiger and gave me a black eye and hit me on the nose with a slipper.”

Burnaburiash was so helpless with laughter that he had to steady himself by both hands catching on to my arms. But Kaptah lamented and wailed and said, “I dare not open the door to that house, for the young woman in there is raging like a wild beast, and I know not what is to be done unless you, Sinuhe, go in and open her skull and so release the evil spirit that is in her. In truth, she must be possessed, for how else would she dare lay hands on the King and smite me on the nose with her slipper so that blood flows from me as from a stuck ox?”

Burnaburiash nudged me and said, “Go in, Sinuhe, and see what has happened. You know the place now, and today I may not enter it, and then come and tell me. I think I know which girl it is, for one was brought here yesterday from the islands in the sea from whom I expect much enjoyment though she should first be drugged with poppy juice.”

He pestered me until I went into the women’s house, where all was turmoil, and the King’s eunuchs did not hinder me, knowing that I was a physician. Old women who in honour of the day had clad themselves in all their splendour and decorated themselves and painted their wrinkled faces came clustering about me, demanding with one voice, “What became of him, our beloved, our hearts’ flower, our little he-goat for whom we have waited since morning?” A big black woman, whose breasts hung down on her belly like black cooking pots, had undressed so as to be the first to receive Kaptah, and she cried, “Give me my beloved that I may press him to my bosom! Give me my elephant that he may wind his trunk about me!” But the worried eunuchs said,

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