But she crushed my hands in hers and touched my eyelids, my mouth and my throat with her finger tips and said, “Sinuhe, even if I wanted to, I could not follow you, for there is not a single ship that would carry us from Crete, and no captain would dare to conceal us on board. I am guarded already for my god’s sake, and I will not allow you to be slain for mine. Even if I wanted to, I cannot go with you for since I danced before the bulls, their will is stronger than my will, though I cannot explain this to you because you have not felt it yourself. Therefore, on the night of the full moon, I must enter the god’s house, and not me, nor you, nor any power on earth can prevent that. Why it is, I do not know, and it may be that no one knows but Minotaur. Since I was a child, I have grown up in the shadow of the god, and while dancing today before the bulls, they vanquished me. However, a bitter hate has started to grow in me against the bulls, because they separate me from you, and I have started to hate my own people since their joy is nothing but a shadow and their life only children’s play, and like cruel children they wish to see blood flowing before the bulls. Even today they were unhappy and sorry when the bulls did not pierce anyone and no one’s foot slipped so that the bulls had trampled him underfoot and teared his guts in their horns. This is what wagers and their great love for bulls are truly about, even if they never admit it to each other or even themselves and yet only say how they admire great skill.”
She touched my lips and neck with her lips and put her arms about me and pressed tightly against me and said, “For the sake of all this, Sinuhe, I plan to return to you from the house of god, since so the law of the bulls allows me, even if no one has ever returned. But I plan to be the first one and return. After that you may do to me what you wish and your life will be my life and your people shall be my people and your gods will be my gods.”
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My heart was like an empty tomb in my breast as I said, “No one knows what tomorrow will bring, and I cannot believe that you will return from where no one has ever returned. Perhaps in the golden mansions of the sea god you may drink eternal life from the god’s fountain, forgetting all earthly things and even me, though I believe none of this for it is a fairy tale, and nothing about gods that I have seen in any country has strengthened my belief in fairy tales. Know, therefore, that if you have not returned within the allotted time, I will enter the god’s house myself and fetch you. I will fetch you even if you do not wish to return. This is my purpose, Minea, were it to be my last act upon earth.”
But she laid her hand on my mouth in terror and glancing about her exclaimed, “Hush! You must never utter such things or even think them for the god’s house is dark, and no stranger can find his way in it, and an uninitiated who enters will face a horrifying death. Nor would you be able to make your way in, for the god’s house is closed by gates of copper, and I am glad of that, knowing that in your madness you might really do as you say and hurl yourself to destruction. Believe me, I will come back of my own free will, for my god cannot be so malignant as to hinder me from coming back to you if I so desire. He is a wonderful, beautiful god, who guards the might of Crete and bears good will toward everyone, so that the olive trees flourish and grains ripen in the fields and ships sail from port to port. He turns the winds favourable and guides the vessels when they are beset by fog, and no evil befalls those under his protection. Why then should he feel ill will toward me?”
From childhood she had grown up beneath the shadow of her god, and her eyes were blinded, and I could not open them though I had cured the blind with needles and given them back their sight. In impotent fury, I caught her in my arms and kissed her and caressed her limbs, and her limbs were as smooth as glass, and she was to me like a fountain is to a wanderer in the desert. She did not resist me but pressed her face against my neck and trembled, and her tears were hot on my neck as she said:
“Sinuhe, my friend, if you doubt my return, I shall deny you nothing. Do with me as you will if it can give you joy, even if I had to die because of it for in your arms I do not fear death, and nothing matters when my god separates me from you.”
I asked her, “Would it give you joy?”
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