The Egyptian by Mika Waltari

Posted by admin_akashic on Mar 4th, 2022 in Stories

There was no point arguing with him about this matter. I bade farewell to him, and I also bade farewell to Merit and little Thoth, for in my sorrow I could not take them with me on this journey like I had hoped since Pharaoh had commanded me to return with all possible speed and such a journey would bring no joy to them. But I said to Merit, “Come after me, you and little Thoth, and dwell with me in my house at Akhetaten, and we will all be happy together.”

Merit said, “Take a flower from its place in the desert, plant it in rich soil, and water it every day, and it will wither and die. So would it be with me in Akhetaten, and your friendship for me would wither and die — likewise were you to compare me with the women of the court. They would take care to stress every point in which I differ from them for I know women, and men also, I believe. It would ill become your rank to keep a tavern-bred woman in your house whose loins drunk men have fumbled year after year.”

I said to her, Merit, my darling, I will come to you as soon as I may, for I hunger and thirst every hour that I am absent from you. Many have left Akhetaten never to return. Perhaps I shall also come back to you, never to return to Akhetaten.”

But Merit said, “You say more than your heart can answer for, Sinuhe. I know you and that it is not in your nature to forsake Pharaoh when others forsake him. In the good days, you might have done it, but in the bad days, you cannot possibly forsake him. Such is your heart, Sinuhe, and perhaps it is for this reason that I am your friend.”

Her words set my heart in turmoil, and when I reflected that I might lose her there was a prickling in my throat as of chaff. Therefore I said to her passionately, “Merit, there are many countries in the world, and Egypt is not the only country in the world. I am weary of battles between gods and of Pharaohs’ madness. Let us fly to some place far away and live together, you and I and little Thoth, without fear of tomorrow.”

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But Merit smiled, and the sorrow in her eyes grew black as she said, “Your talk is vain, and you know yourself that it is not true, yet your lie pleases me because it shows that you love me. But I do not believe that you could live happily anywhere save in Egypt, since you once returned here, nor either I anywhere save in Thebes. You know — ‘who once has drunk the water of the Nile…’ No, Sinuhe, no man can escape his own heart, and you need your cup full. In the course of time, when I will have grown old, ugly and fat, you would sicken of me and hate me because of everything you had not been able to live through on my account. That I do not want and would rather give you up.”

“You are my home and my country, Merit,” I said to her. “You are the bread in my hand and the wine in my mouth, and you know it well. You are the one person in the world in whose company I am not lonely, and for that I love you.”

“Yes, indeed” said Merit a little bitterly. “I am but the cushion to soften your loneliness — when I am not your worn mat. But that is how it must be, and I desire nothing else. Therefore, I do not tell you the secret that eats at my heart and which perhaps you should know. I will keep it to myself although in my weakness I had meant to tell you. It is for your sake I conceal it, Sinuhe, for your sake only.”

She would not confide her secret to me, for she was prouder than I and perhaps lonelier, although at that time I did not understand and thought only of myself in the end. It is my belief that all men do so when they love, though this is no excuse for me. Men who believe they think of anything but themselves when they love are deluded, just as many other things in this world are nothing but fantasies.

Once more, then, I departed from Thebes and went back to Akhetaten, and of that which followed there is nothing but evil to relate. I spent so much time telling about my stay in Thebes, though not much of it was worth telling, since I told it for my own sake.

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